For some people the decision to take anti-depressants is a big one, something that takes time and thought. But for other people taking anti-depressants becomes as natural to them as drinking enough water or brushing their teeth. I’m one of the latter.
For almost two years I have consistently been on an anti-depressant of some kind. Sure, they may not have all been super effective, and they might not have been high doses, but something has always been in my system.
Until a month ago. This was when I was having bad side effects from my meds and my doctor took me off them and sent me to a specialist four weeks later. And so began my month long stint at being a cold turkey.
The impact of this showed itself in two ways – my emotions, and my physical symptoms. On the emotional side, I felt so out of control of myself, so lost because it felt like I wasn’t doing anything to help myself, as well as all over the place mood swings between different bad feelings, and some of the most intense mental breakdowns I’ve ever experienced.
Physically, my heart was always beating fast, I was exhausted, my hands would shake and I would feel so stressed I thought I was going to die. Not ideal.
I think I had a secret hope that being off meds might reveal that I was actually completely fine and didn’t need to be on them, but that wasn’t the case. I always try to listen to my body, and in this case my body was telling me I needed to be back on some anti-depressants asap.
Thankfully I have started taking anti-depressants again, and although I don’t want to jinx anything, I will say so far, so good.