I don’t really like the idea of doing something for somebody.
Don’t get me wrong, I love giving people presents or helping them with their uni assignments or paying for their coffee.
What I don’t like is changing things about myself and my life just to please or satisfy someone else.
Or maybe I just don’t like change….
Okay, that too. I don’t like change, and I especially don’t like changing for somebody.
The problem with being an army wife is that, no matter how much you try to fight it, most of your life becomes for somebody.
Now of course this manifests in small ways, like washing clothes for my partner, or having to spend my weekend alone for/because of my partner.
But this also shows itself in huge and challenging ways.
Namely, moving for my partner.
This is something that comes up pretty often in our fights, during which I feel very entitled to be treated like a goddess for all that I sacrificed for our relationship, and my boyfriend doesn’t think that’s right, because he had to move, too.
The difference between us is that he moved for work, and I moved for him.
I think that’s something that we’ve both had to come to terms with. My boyfriend has had to accept that I have given up more for us to be together, and I have had to work on understanding that just because I’ve sacrificed more doesn’t mean I win the whole relationship (I’m still working on this one if I’m honest).
We’ve only had two moves together but they’ve both been very hard and very complicated, and a lot of that is due to my absolute hatred of change and my feelings of just how unfair the whole situation is.
On top of that, my boyfriend is the kind of person that adapts to change very easily and actually seems to like it. I just can’t relate.
For me the hard part is putting someone else first, and knowing that it’s going to be like that forever.
It’s not just feeling like someone matters more than you, because that’s pretty normal to have your partner or your kids or your family at the top of the priority list, but it’s knowing that the priority list starts with my partner, is filled with his job, his uniform, his schedule, then comes the cat, and then me.
And as an army wife you’re kind of expected not just to be okay with that, but to be happy about it.
And personally, it just really sucks. But I know there’s nothing I can do about it. So I will prioritize my partner over me and all his belongings over me and all his work stuff over me, but I sure am not going to do it quietly, and I’m not going to do it without complaining.
I’m going to have to move for my partner again. And it’s going to suck. We’re going to fight. The packing boxes will replace me on the priority list. But I can handle it. And I will probably bring it up in a little fight or two…