I woke up today feeling really tired and grumpy, and just like I didn’t want to get out of bed. For most people, this might be part of their daily wake up routine, but for me it was a sign that I was going to have a Bad Day.
A Bad Day is different from having a long day at work or being overloaded with study (although these can contribute), and it is something that all people with a mental illness are familiar with.
A Bad Day consists of feeling bad for no identifiable reason. You wake up feeling worse than you usually do and you have no idea why.
For me this starts with having no energy and no motivation, which quickly leads to feeling upset and frustrated with myself for not getting enough done that day. About 99% of the time this ends in tears.
This is something that can be really difficult to explain to other people, because even though you know how you are feeling, you don’t know why.
My boyfriend and I have developed a little code phrase for this particular type of day which is helpful for me because I don’t have to explain myself when I am already feeling upset, and is helpful for him because he knows I’m not secretly mad at him or upset about something that happened.
It goes like this:
Me: ‘I don’t feel well.’
Me: ‘In my feelings.’
Just by me saying that I don’t feel well in my feelings I can explain to the person closet to me that I am feeling upset and overwhelmed and confused, and lets him know that I need some extra love and support at that moment.
If you have had any similar experiences with not knowing what’s wrong, or you have your own way of expressing how you’re feeling to other people let me know in the comments below!